The Ballad of the Eagles’ Imminent Super Bowl Win

‘Twas the weekend before Superbowl LII

And with hoodies, t-shirts, and hats

Us Eagles fans were wearing our green

To ward off the goddamned Pats!

We’ve banned Pat Patriot, renamed B****fan Market

And thrown our B****n Creme pies in the trash

While the good guys with badges lubed up the poles

With Crisco against decisions rash.

We’ve cussed out our neighbor with the New England bumper sticker

Keyed the paint and slashed the tires,

Held high our banners and lit up the night

With ill-begotten trashcan fires.

Throughout the City of Brotherly Love

From the Delaware to the Schuylkill,

The Iggles Nation has been getting their hype

Barely feeling the winter chill.

We rammed the Rams, looted the Raiders

And sent them Dirty Birds packing

With the speed of a cheetah, the grace of gazelles

And some judicious quarterback sacking.

Sixteen games during regular season

And two more in the post

Nick Foles’ mighty throwing arm

Helped the offense doing the most.

On Cox! On Graham! On Peters and Ertz!

Jenkins, jump on Gronk and get him down.

Run Tom Brady through with a rail

And ride him out of town!

Six rings? Six rings? I think not.

That fantasy’s a futile dud.

2005 was 18 years ago

This time we’re coming for blood!

Under the guidance of Our Lord Pederson

And with the tiniest bit of luck,

We’ll blaze into Minneapolis like a fire

Tell Belichick we don’t give a… flip. 😉

We’re loud, we’re nasty, we’re obstreperous and rude,

We’re gonna heckle and cheer

Someone polish the f’ing Lombardi Trophy

Because our boys are bringing it here!

So this Sunday, on your big screen

While you’re sharing a cheesesteak with friends,

Know that night is the close of an era,

The night a “dynasty” ends.

Victorious with pride we’ll emerge;

New England can go home and cry.

We’re going in to get this done.

Fly, Eagles, fly!