WTPhilly: The Long and Narrow of It All

There are times when I literally don’t know how to feel about a certain house. Today’s WTPhilly submission is a classic example of real estate ambivalence.

On one hand, there are definitely aspects of this home that I really like. It can’t help that it’s hella narrow. On the other hand –

Yep, that’s pretty narrow.

I’m not sure what is the deal with the ceilings. I just don’t get it. This home is obviously a close reflection on the seller’s taste, but “pea soup galaxy goo” is an odd choice.

That green, though. Yuck.

But first things first. You enter the (extremely narrow) living room, and all is well – cute hardwood floors, good natural lighting – until you look up. The ceiling is some sort of yellow-white swirl. Over the foyer and leading up the stairs is an accent choice that I like to call “the red line to nowhere.”

The Red Line to Nowhere

This home is only 1,015 which is exceedingly odd for a home with five bedrooms. It is full of odd little tight nooks and crannies, including a bedroom being used as a (way cluttered) walk-in closet. You heard me correctly.

This bedroom is being used as a (very cramped) walk-in closet. Interesting choice.

The kitchen is cluttered and tiny, with the aforementioned pea soup galactic effect on the ceiling and a carrot-y, loud orange color on the walls. I mean, you can almost audibly hear the sounds of the clashing.

Add in nonexistent counter space and dated, ugly flooring and you have the antithesis of an appealing cooking space. Shame, too, because the dining area features some impressive, stately built-ins.

This home studio is about the most normal-looking room in the whole house.

On the second and third floors, things really start falling to pieces – sometimes literally. I’m not sure what, exactly this room is, but I am pretty sure that the ceiling is caving in. Ruh-roh.

The roof! The roof! The roof is… falling down.

And none of this is even to say anything about the back yard, where the world’s creepiest lawn ornament resides.

What even is that lawn ornament?!

This Art Museum home is selling for under $500k, which makes it a relative steal at around $150-$200k below the norm. On the other hand, it has a lot (a LOT) of issues, and Center City buyers generally ain’t about that rehab life. Plus, the house looks like a gangly teenager, long and thin in the most awkward way. Only time will tell what will become of this home.