W.T.Philly – The Rental Gritty of Center City
For today’s installment of WTPhilly, we’re taking a detour off the MLS and onto the mean streets of Craigslist. Not only because the entire site is one enormous happy hunting ground of crazy, but also because there are statistically fewer boo-hoo crybabies there. For just this week, we’ll allow everyone to dry their eyes and suck their thumbs as we pluck some low-hanging fruit.
If you’ve ever needed a more ringing endorsement of why you should buy a home in Philadelphia, just check out the rental market. I mean, there are the shiny, slick places brokered by real estate agents – Frank handles a few of those – and then you have rentals, the trade of which is solely of the DIY variety. Especially on Craigslist, the cesspool of the WWW, things get ugly real quick.
With no further ado, enjoy a glimpse at some of Center City’s most confusing, ill-advised, and crazy rental ads.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS.
You know how you are supposed to stage a home in ultra-clean, very neutral fashion so that the buyer can imagine themselves living within the space? This Grad Hospital apartment’s vibe is like anti-staging.
Doesn’t it just look homey and welcome? And, just as if you needed further enticement:
This room is a converted room and therefore has NO CLOSET and NO DOOR – it leads to the stairwell, which leads into the upstairs kitchen.
Sign me up!
CHECK OUT MY “BEFORE”-SEGMENT-OF-A-FEBREEZE-COMMERCIAL SWAG, Y’ALL
A new contender for “smallest home in Center City,” this 350 sq. ft. nest can’t help the fact that it is tiny.
The extreme disorderliness, however, isn’t doing it any additional favors. For the last time, guys… clean up!
PUTTING THE “HOSTEL” IN “HOSTILE”
This guy. Wow. I’m going to break my personal policy of not linkling to source material when I’m mocking someone, because… holy crap. He wants a male roomate, but only for two weeks at a time. Not a minute longer. And he knows his rights to throw you and your ish out on the curb, keep in mind. Better stuff your face in early evening, because he doesn’t want to see you in the kitchen “except for fridge use or a very quick microwave session.” Men only. No girls allowed EV-ER, because of cooties some other reason he didn’t explain. Better read all the rules, or you’ll hear “things [you] really, really, don’t like.” Oookay.
WE’LL NEVER BE ROYALS
Bet you didn’t know that the monarchy was alive and well on Chestnut Street! A clearly quite girly young lady is looking to sublet her 1-bedroom apartment, the central amenity of which is a queen-sized “princess palace,”or “den of zen” – a queen-sized pull-out couch buried in pillows and blankets and surrounded by gauze curtains of all hues, in 21st-century harem-style. The lucky subletter to take this one over will get to keep all the furniture, since la reina is off to backpack teh world and is divesting herself of excess worldly goods. A couch shaped like a pair of lips is included. Just sayin’.
…and just for good measure, a detail pic. On behalf of us all, thank you, your majesty!
FEELING THE BLUR
The current tenant or owner of this RittSquare studio needs some photography lessons, stat.
There’s a reason that “blur” isn’t an Instagram filter.
OVERSHARING: IT’S A THING.
Meet… these two. Found under “apartments / rooms wanted:”
Here’s a little bit about us:
I am female-bodied-but-questioning, omnisexual, kinky, and poly. C and I are engaged and I also have a fantastic girlfriend who will be visiting occasionally. She may bring her husband and kids every once in a while, so someone who knows how to adjust their language around small humans is important…. C is genderqueer (their pronouns are they/them/their), omnisexual, kinky (they own a sybian!), and poly. They currently don’t have any other partners, but there are a few hopefuls that sound pretty awesome.
/backing away slowly.
