Less Gas, More A** at the Philly Naked Bike Ride

So, here’s my annual post on the Philly Naked Bike Ride, in which I pile double entendres into a blog post like a well-proportioned derriere into bike shorts. Actually, skip the bike shorts. On Saturday, hundreds of un-self-conscious individuals mounted their two-wheeled conveyances with little, if anything, between their loins and their bike seat. There was more glitter, body paint, masks, and exotic underwear than you could find anywhere west of Burning Man. Armed with just their birthday suits and stamina, the horde set off on a ten-mile loop past some of Philly’s most-notable sights, including Independence Hall, the U.S. Mint, the Liberty Bell and the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

Why expose your naughty bits to the whole of the City of Brotherly Love, especially on a bicycle? I myself would be concerned about godforsaken chafing, as a result of a good sweat leaking its way into nooks and crannies generally sheathed in clothing. But for the Naked Bike Ride, the devil may care about such practical concerns. Some were riding to protest America’s ongoing dependence on fossil fuels and to simultaneously draw attention to the glory of their creation greener alternatives, like biking. Others were promoting body-positivity, a movement attesting that folks are beautiful at all sizes. Others were the authors of their own victories, such as sobriety milestones, recovery after giving birth, or weight loss.

And then there was model and former burlesque performer Loretta Vendetta, who proudly told the Associated Press: “I like to be naked.”

The Naked Bike Ride 2018 comes in the midst of a heated dialogue between bicyclists and city officials, the latter of whom protest that Philadelphia is not doing enough to keep riders safe. Their complaints are more specifically bike lane scarcity, lack of barriers between car traffic and bike lanes, and deteriorating road conditions.

Whatever the cause, it’s safe to say the the Naked Bike Ride stopped plenty of traffic Saturday.