City Issues Statement Regarding Dumpster Pool Parties

There are certain things that you assume you shouldn’t have to tell another grown-up, adult human person. “Don’t stick lit fireworks in your orifices,” is one of them. “Don’t play in the middle of the highway.” I could probably come up with more. One might think that “don’t go swimming in your local dumpster” is pretty intuitive, but as it seems… we’re all wrong.

Just chilling in the neighborhood dumpster pool.

The City of Philadelphia had to release a statement via Karen Guss, communications director for the Department of Licenses and Inspections. Guss spoke with NPR about the dumpster pool parties, which are becoming somewhat of a trend in certain neighborhoods of the City of Brotherly Love. Residents are apparently tapping fire hydrants and using them to fill with water dumpsters – yes, actual “used for trash and miscellaneous refuse” dumpsters – that they have dragged into the middle of the street. I guess this is what passes for recreation for some people these days.

Guss went on to state the reasons why one should not, in fact, swim in a dumpster. They include: reducing the amount of available water in hydrants to be used in case of a fire; the fact that the force of hydrant water could send a child or adult flying into the street and in the way of oncoming traffic; and the fact that overtapping the hydrant could cause water outages to untold numbers of city residents.

“We are not screwing around, Philly,” the PSA continues firmly, before adding that the city will not be issuing “any future block party permits to the 2400 block of Cedar,” which is apparently a hotspot for the pool parties. As a further burn, Guss added that the dumpster companies are taking some heat as well: “officials have contacted the dumpster rental company regarding its failures to obtain the proper closure permits and to take mandatory measures to protect the street during placement of the dumpster.”

It closed with a recommendation that residents find other forms of fun which are “safer, more sanitary, and less likely to deplete the resources firefighters need in an emergency.”

And that’s that, folks.