Phillies Pack On the Calories With Triple-Triple Burger

It’s hard out there for Phillies fans. The team… well… how does one say it nicely? They lost more games than they won this past year and the year before as well (73 – 89). They’re sucking pretty badly, to be baldly honest. Is it any wonder that fans are so angry? The old Veterans Stadium contained a courtroom and a jail, but maybe it should have also fit in a cardiologist’s office. Because the new, behemoth burger coming to stands this spring might make your cholesterol levels rise just by looking at it.

The Wayback Burger is so huge that one can’t reasonably eat it vertically.

The so-called “Wayback Burger” (named, perhaps, for the effect it will have on your diet goals?) clocks in at 2,200 calories – supposedly, although some experts have ventured to guess that it is actually more like 5,000 – with nine patties, nine slices of cheese, a tomato and a leaf of lettuce for good measure. Don’t ask me how anyone is actually supposed to physically consume the thing in the stands, because I have no idea.

Baseball stadiums have long been playing a game of up-the-ante when it comes to outrageous food stand confections. The Milwaukee Brewers recently announced a creation called “nachos on a stick” (it’s weird and sounds vaguely nauseating); the Diamondbacks are debuting a churro dog, and the minor league Wilmington Blue Rocks announced that their food stands will be dishing up a Krispy Kreme hot dog, stuffed with raspberry jam and bacon. It’s all a little appalling, frankly, but it’s good news for that same sort of people who go in for all the dough-covered-deep-fried oddities at their state fairs.