The Pictoral Ballad of Summer In Philly
Note: In honor of the first day of July, I opted to take a break from real estate porn and serve you up a bit of epic poetry dedicated to ways one can stay cool in Center City. Enjoy!
‘Twas the middle of summer, and all through the street
The swelter of garbage wafted high in the heat.
The temps pushed triple digits throughout Center City,
People cursed, swore, and muttered – it wasn’t pretty.
From the hipsters of GradHosp to Queens Village fair,
To Fitler, to Washington, to Rittenhouse Square!
They cried out for answers, from brownstone and loft:
“There has to be some [bleep]ing way to cool off!”
This ballad’s for them; with intentions so fond
I’ll share ways to stay cool in Philadelph’ and beyond!
Business is brisk at Rita’s, you can tell from the line
As folks queue up to score that “wooda’ ice” fine!
For relief, something icy is just what it takes:
Frosty drafts of craft beer or hand-spun milkshakes!
Swimming’s a summer treat for rich and for poor,
They hike their pasty buns t’words Atlantic City shore.
(But spend one long weekend in the Jersey misrule,
And you’re bound to end up grateful for your community pool!)
Some culture is nifty, our museums are rare
You can check out some art and climb Rocky’s stair(s)!
Visit T-Rex at Drexel or the skulls at the Mutter,
With so much sweet free A/C, you won’t melt like butter.
With a cooler, clear head you’ll again use your reason
Anticipating Made In America and Eagles’ preseason!
Summer need not get you down, it’ll all be all right,
Enjoy the scorching days and sultry nights!
And if, for some reason, your pique still is itchin’
You aren’t a pansy New Yorker, man, stop your… whining.
Soon enough it’ll be winter, through a segue to fall
You’ll forget that sunshine existed at all!
And so, as we head through July, friends fear not –
Now you know what to do when it’s really [bleep]in’ hot!
(P.S. Before I sign off, one last shill I’ll endeavor –
Buy your next home from Frank, and be coolest forever!)
